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From The Mouth Of Bruce Arians

Posted Feb 5, 2016

Another year of memorable quips and deadpans from the Cardinals coach

In three years as head coach of the Arizona Cardinals, Bruce Arians has been guaranteed to provide three things: Victories (a 34-14 record, including a franchise-record 13 this season); “No risk-it, no biscuit” playcalling, and both blunt and memorable moments in his many times in front of the press.

In that regard, 2015 was no different. And so we take a look back at some of the most memorable B.A. quips and comments from the past season:

MARCH 25, after GM Steve Keim was given 2014 Executive of the Year, with an award that looked like a large mug:

“Steve was embarrassed as hell to go up and get his the other day. I’m like, ‘Dude you got a cup. We can drink out of that.’”

MARCH 25, on not getting a head coaching job 20 years ago:

“I don’t give a crap. I don’t think I talked any different back then. That’s probably why I didn’t get a head coaching job. I think the truth is the truth, and some people can’t take the truth.”

APRIL 22, on the aptitude tests players take at the Scouting combine:

“One of the dumbest players I’ve ever had got like a 36 on that (Wonderlic) test, and he couldn’t learn football. He might have been an engineer or some (expletive), but he couldn’t learn football.”

JULY 31, talking about training camp held at University of Phoenix Stadium:

“Camp Cupcake. I hate to use the word ‘camp’ when we come here. One practice, one walkthrough and then you stay in a hotel.”

AUG. 1, on going over the plays three times a day in camp:

“If you can’t get it by then you’re probably too dumb to play. That’s the evaluation process.”

AUG. 11, on prodding the maturity of rookie tackle D.J. Humphries:

“Knee in his ass every day. A foot wasn’t going to do it. That’s why his nickname’s ‘Knee-deep.’”

AUG. 18, on Chris Johnson’s physical being clean despite being shot in the shoulder in March:

“There was nothing. Other than a bullet in his trap.”

AUG. 20, after being asked if he could tell the “Birdgang” -- fans -- if he had answers on Daryl Washington:

“Ask Daryl. I’m not allowed to talk to Daryl. The league hasn’t notified me of anything, so I would ask the Birdgang to please call Daryl.”

AUG. 24, on the center battle between A.Q. Shipley and Lyle Sendlein:

“Their butts are about the same.”

SEPT. 23, on the praise the Cardinals were getting after a 2-0 start:

 “When they’re patting you on the back, they are looking for a soft spot where to stick the knife.”

SEPT. 24, addressing his team in a meeting after a 2-0 start:

“You ain’t (expletive).”

SEPT. 27, after the Cards beat up the 49ers:

“They smell just a little better.”

OCT. 7, on the possibility of playing games in foreign cities:

“Hell, I can’t worry about overseas, dude. I’m more worried about Detroit. It’s close to Toronto, I guess.”

OCT. 26, after a last-second win over the Ravens:

“We wanted to make sure there was a damn good traffic jam.”

OCT. 26, on if the Cards could have beaten Baltimore without Chris Johnson:

“I don’t know. We’ve got him, so I don’t hypothetically look at that (expletive), you know?”

NOV. 2, on the Cardinals already matching their 2014 touchdown total:

“It says that last year sucked. No wonder we won so many damn close games last year.”

NOV. 2, on fans mad John Brown was active but didn’t play in Cleveland:

“They had probably had him on their fantasy team or something. Tough (expletive). Tell him to practice.”

NOV. 13, explaining why he doesn’t see the need for fiery pregame speeches to get players amped up:

“Snotbubbles and tears don’t win (expletive).”

NOV. 23, on guard Ted Larsen’s performance, despite being nearly called for a crippling late penalty:

“Very, very well. Other than the almost FUBAR of the year.”

NOV. 25, on how players like his no risk-it, no biscuit mentality:

“I think it scares the (expletive) out of some of them.”

DEC. 2, on the Rams:

“We don’t like anybody in our division, you know? I’ll have dinner with them, but I ain’t liking them. I ain’t drinking with them!”

DEC. 11, after clinching a playoff spot:

“Somebody texted me ‘Hey, you punched your ticket.’ I said, ‘Yeah, we’re trying to upgrade to first class.’ ”

DEC. 27, after clinching a playoff bye:

“You don’t get rings for byes. You don’t even get T-shirts and hats.”

DEC. 27, after beating the Packers at home with a noticeable amount of Packers fans in the stands:

“I don’t know if there were any Packers fans here. I didn’t hear any of them.”

DEC. 30, on being considered the top team in the NFL at that point:

“I don’t put any stock in it. It doesn’t mean crap. It’s just somebody’s power ranking; still have got to play on Sunday. Like I said, it’s always a short elevator ride back down.”

DEC. 30, comparing work with Carson Palmer as opposed to young QBs he tutored over the years:

“It’s a different drinking relationship.”

JAN. 18, after he (as head coach) and Palmer got their first playoff wins:

“I went over and wiped Carson’s off his back and he brushed mine off my back. Those monkeys are good to get rid of.”

JAN. 24, on the inability to see the silver lining after losing in the NFC Championship:

 “If that confetti is not falling on your head, it’s a bad year. You’ve got to look back and there were a lot of positive things, but we’re not about that. We are about winning a championship.”

JAN 25, after the NFC Championship loss:

“It’s funny because during the season, you’ve got the 24-hour rule. Now, you’ve got a nine-month rule, but you better get over it soon.”

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