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Bruce Arians At The Mic

Cardinals coach has another year of memorable quotes


There are coaches like Bill Belichick, who treat their time in press conferences as something that must be tolerated. Then there is Cardinals coach Bruce Arians, who embraces his time in front of reporters.

The same personality that has endeared him to fans and his players is on display when answering questions. Arians is blunt, not shy about his opinions and often dropping some of the funniest lines of the season.

Last year, Arians talked about wanting to be the "cool Uncle," like the one he had growing up. This year, Arians sadly noted the passing of his cool Uncle, Gus. But Arians continued to deal the verbal gold from his spot behind the microphones:

MAY 1, on potentially making a draft day trade:

"You may want to make a move because there's a guy you really like sitting there that third day. Those are the days, you've got a guy, you love him and the team right in front of you takes him; nothing pisses you off more than that."

MAY 8, on first-round pick Deone Bucannon's draft day emotions:

"It was one of the things that we loved about the kid. He has a great family. He was at home with his family, which I appreciate. He is sharing a great day,

and I just told him to give his mom a hell of a big hug for Mother's Day."

MAY 9, on those hoping they'd draft a quarterback:

"Why? We've got three pretty good ones, and you don't take quarterbacks if they're not going to beat the guys out that you have. I know people rate quarterbacks; I've been doing this for a long time, rating quarterbacks. I like ours better."

MAY 10, after the Cardinals ended up drafting QB Logan Thomas:

"I lie pretty good."

JUNE 2, after linebacker Daryl Washington is suspended:

"Hopefully this is the biggest thing that happens to our football team this year. But there are going to be another two or three bumps in the road. You have to march on. You cannot use it as an excuse."

JUNE 12, on the need for running backs to know how to pass protect:

"Just get your ass kicked with dignity, you'll be all right."

JULY 25, after the team's conditioning test:

"I thought (314-pound nose tackle) Dan Williams looked as sexy in a run test as he's ever looked."

JULY 25, on why his team doesn't stretch as a group:

"If a Doberman jumped out of a car with a gun, you wouldn't be stretching. When the horn blows, we're practicing."

JULY 28, on his aversion to training camp fights:

"The first thing you do is break your hand. Might as well punch the wall. If you want to break your hand, break your hand. If you want to fight I'll put boxing gloves on you and you can fight your ass off. That's what Coach (Bear) Bryant used to do. Want to fight? Wear 18-pound gloves, and they were not allowed to stop swinging. … They both passed out. It only happened once."

AUG. 13, on his coaching philosophy:

"I was taught a long time ago, coach 'em hard and hug 'em later. That's the hugging part. Rip a guy's ass out there and go in, (tell them) it's just football, nothing personal. 'Your football stinks, you're a pretty good guy.' "

AUG. 29, on the progress of rookie QB Logan Thomas

"He's a project just like we thought. Ups and downs, 'Wow' throws, 'Oh (expletive)' throws. What we thought he'd be."

SEPT. 10, on wide receivers wanting the ball more:

"There were times when certain guys want numbers. I think Larry (Fitzgerald) will be the first one to tell you the only number that matters is a 'W.' That's a letter, though."

SEPT. 24, on guarding against overconfidence:

"Don't believe it. It's a short elevator ride back to the s*house. All of a sudden, I'm the greatest damn coach in the world. I've been a sorry son-of-a-bitch for 17, 18 years now. That ain't changed just because we won a couple of games."

SEPT. 29, on what his gut was telling him on QB Carson Palmer's availability:

"I quit trusting my gut a long time ago. That sumbitch has been lying to me forever."

OCT. 1, on his relationship with 76-year-old assistant head coach Tom Moore:

"You need somebody to bitch to. You can't take a young guy in there and bitch to him."

OCT. 3, the day Arians – who once proclaimed himself "60 and sexy" turned 62:

"(I'm) sexier. A little fatter and sassier too."

OCT. 17, on his concern Raiders fans would throw eggs at the Cardinals' team bus:

"Hopefully we've got windows on that sumbitch."

OCT. 22, on his time coaching in Philadelphia at Temple University:

"Oh, God, I love Philadelphia. I was 30 and thought I knew everything. About five years later I finally get out of the hospital and said 'I don't know s*.' It was a great time. Gained about 30 pounds eating pretzels and drinking beer."

OCT. 29, on trying to remain the NFC's No. 1 seed:

"Once you get a hold of it, somebody's trying to take it out of your pocket. It's like your lunch money when you went to school. Somebody's always had their hand in your pocket trying to get your lunch money and you can't let them have it, no matter what it takes."

OCT. 31, on the idea people would dress up as him for Halloween:

"Yeah, you've got to have the attitude. And a cocktail."

NOV. 3, on the start of his coaching career:

"I was trying to get a junior high teaching job and a coaching job in 1974 and we got a new football coach at Virginia Tech and he talked me into playing one more season. I would've still been a junior high teacher-coach if I could've got a damn job. I couldn't get one."

NOV. 3, on what subject he would have taught as a middle school teacher:

"I would've been a P.E. teacher and tried to do some high school Drivers Ed stuff. Most of my friends from college are just retiring now. They've got their 30 years in high school coaching. To me, when I grew up, I thought high school coaches were rich."

NOV. 24, on hugging Jaron Brown after Brown dropped a touchdown pass:

"S*, he didn't drop it on purpose."

NOV. 24, on a sub-.500 division winner hosting a playoff game:

"You still hang a banner. They put the year up there, 'Division Champs.' They don't put the record usually. Nobody gives a s. It's all about hanging those banners. That's pretty cool s."

DEC. 1, on whether he has a good read during the week how his team will play in games:

"If you get me that one, baby, we can make a lot of money. Thirty-seven years and I ain't never figured that one out."

DEC. 3, on the idea some were asking if he would bench QB Drew Stanton:

"That's the dumbest damn question I've ever heard in my life, I swear to God. I had to laugh when it got heard on the radio. It's like, 'Really?'"

DEC. 3, after a bad game in Atlanta:

"Last week was one of those ones some coaches say, 'Hey, burn the film.' I don't. You watch it. Twice."

DEC. 8, on how he handled young kicker Chandler Catanzaro after a couple of misses off the uprights:

"Pat him on the back, tell him the kick them between the poles and don't hit the pole."

DEC. 11, after an emotional win in St. Louis in which the Cardinals were underdogs:

"I love it when nobody says that you will have a chance to win.  This is an 11-3 team and a team that is always 8-8, you figure it out."

DEC. 15, on the constant underdog status:

"We've been written off all year. Write another check. It's easy. You never have to check your bank account, just keep writing checks. We like where we're at."

DEC. 26, after an older writer ran up late and out of breath to get to Arians' press conference:

"Easy, brother. You ain't getting no mouth-to-mouth around here."

DEC. 30, on the subject of the NFL's "Black Monday":

"There's only two kinds of coaches — those that are fired and those who are going to get fired."

JAN. 4, after the Cardinals lost in the playoffs:

"I don't look at 'what if?' 'What if?' will drive you crazy. I look at what can be, and what can be is a great football team with a few new pieces next year."


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